It's been a while since I blogged so I figured I'd type up something quick. When I am frusterated I always put it in writing and by the ending I feel better, with that being said this is more for my personal need but feel free to read it. ;P
I hate making decisions. The only decision I've made recently without second guessing myself was deciding to apply to the rotary program. I had the hardest time choosing colleges to apply to, choosing my college in the spring, deciding if I was going to participate in a sport, even deciding where to eat. Ask anyone these are tough decisions that take a lot of time for me to make because I don't like to miss out on anything and I want to be able to try everything.
Lately I have been doing wonderfully, but it seems that everyone around me is getting stressed out. The end of the school year is approaching quickly and many people are on the border of passing the year, or even graduating. This means everyone is a little crabbier and quieter. However just for a little while longer. Now I'm beginning to get a little stressed out, nothing bad compared to balancing family, friends, church, school, work, volunteering, college decisions, sports, and rotary during my senior year, but it doesn't help because I am in a foreign country without all the comforts of home.
So knowing that stress is in the air and the honey moon stage of course is wearing off, although I love it here and feel very much at home, I was bound to catch some sort of bad mood disease. This isn't affecting my interactions with people or how I'm behaving but it's leaving my mind racing with thoughts and decision making. First I was working on a really cool school project with Alejandra yesterday. I ate lunch at her house, we worked on our project, we went to academia, and I didn't arrive home until about 7:30 p.m. The cleaning lady disappeared for about a week without notice and my family hadn't been cleaning the house because they didn't know when she was coming back and they didn't want to have her show up and get paid for doing nothing. So my mom called her and she had broken her arm and was going to have surgery, none-the-less I came home and everyone was cleaning yesterday and I felt bad for having been away all day and not doing too much, so that was weighing on my mind. Then my brother had to switch to private classes (leave my school) in order to graduate and continue onto his exchange year in January, this made me sad because I love having class with him. He's taking classes all day now so he can be down with school in about 10 days, so I won't get to hang out with him as much.
Then last night I received an email about an exchange student orientation type thing. It was late and I forgot about it until lunch today. It happens to start the exact same day as my graduation dance. Now this wouldn't be a big deal except that graduation is a HUGE thing here and it is a lot of fun and it is overdone and it is like prom mixed with a wedding mixed with thanksgiving. This would be with all of my friends, the orientation would be with all of the people I have been dying to meet since I arrived here. I'm pretty sure the orientation is obrigatorio, but there is always some wiggle room. I'm pretty sure I know what I am going to do but the fact that I have to miss out on one makes me a little sad. It is like suddenly everything is starting to come together quickly but some smaller things are diminishing as well. On one hand I am obligated to attend the exchange student event, and I am here through rotary so they come first, and I have never been more excited in my life because I get to meet new people and make new friends and have a weekend to let loose and play games. On the other hand I'm also here to experience everything about the culture here and I will be missing my own graduation which is going to be amazing from everything I've been hearing.
Well, I'm all better now. That was nice. I've made my decision, 99.9% postitive (although it was kind of made before I even started this, it's just more clear now), and I feel good about it. I also had my brother, Henrique, to vent to (via messenger because he is in school). Nothing big but now I can take a deep breath. I think I'll write you guys and update about what I've been up to... :)
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